Proud Lady-Child

I came across an article in the bible that pretty much hit the nail on the head for me. It talks about exactly how I've been feeling over the past few months...or basically since I turned 18. Let's just call it what it is: the past 5 years.

Since going through two moves, getting a full-time job, taking on my very own bills yet still relying on older, "wiser", and more experienced folks for some financial assistance I have come to terms with exactly where I am in life. I understand that I am not a girl, not a teen, definitely a 20-something female, but am I a woman? I feel like something should have happened to trigger my grown-ass woman realization. Maybe it will happen when I get married? Maybe when I have my first child? Right now though...not quite there yet.

You might have Lady-Child Syndrome if...

- As much as you might think you know what you're planning on doing with your career, you still have no idea. You have a degree, you have a job...yet you haven't completely ruled out being an astronaut or professional food taster.

- Traveling, of any kind, is an adventure to you. In fact, anything super-stable that may prevent you from doing that is seen as "holding you back". Can I live?

- Continuing your education is a way of prolonging being a student. Just admit it.

- Everyone around you is either getting married or having children. Everydamnbody. Even the ones who you just knew would never find love.

- The idea of having children or getting married is just about as scary as the thought of being kicked off your family's cell phone plan. So in a nutshell, there go your priorities.

- You'd prefer to be referred to as "an emerging adult" or a "woman-in-training".

This would explain why I love the hell out of shows like Girls, 2 Broke Girls, and New Girl...also, the fact that all three of those shows have "girl" in the titles is just a weird coincidence that I just now noticed while typing this.

I'm not complaining though. I'm still a very responsible young adult who is enjoying her youth but thinking about the future. I am in absolutely no rush for full-on adult problems. Am I using this "lady-child" syndrome as a crutch? Perhaps. But some of the things I've listed above don't apply to me as much as they used to and I'm starting to move past them. One bad-decision-turned-moral-lesson at a time.

Would you or wouldn't you?

While out with some friends last week for dinner and drinks the conversation started off the way most female conversations do: from fashion to feelings to, inevitably, men and relationships. One girl brought up the topic of proposing to a man instead of waiting for him to propose to you. She gave the example of a friend she knew who did it recently, which completely caught her boyfriend off-guard. I'm all for being pro-active and speaking your mind, but for me a proposal from the person I love is step 1 towards us getting married. Maybe I'm old fashion or I've seen too many Disney movies (or both, actually), but if I have to propose to you I'll feel like I'm robbing myself of the beginning stages of my fairy tale wedding.

But that's neither here nor there, lol.

Those who agreed with the girl proposing - which was basically the same as a man's proposal, only you give him a nice watch *rolls eyes* - said that it wasn't about "giving in". It was about knowing what you want and taking it upon yourself to get it. When it was put that way, I understood where the girl was coming from. I still personally wouldn't do it, but if she knew that was the man she wanted, and that he felt the same - more power to her! From the sound of things, however, it didn't seem like the boyfriend was too fond of her taking his moment away, it's also possible that he didn't want to get married to begin with. . .

. . . See, this is why you wait for him to be ready. Ha!

Would you propose to your man? And guys, how would you feel about your girlfriend proposing to you? 

Next up: Valentine's Day

I am over joyed for Valentine's Day this year.

If you haven't noticed, I completely feed in to commercialized holidays. I like the idea, and them forcing you to spend time with your loved ones/friends to celebrate unnecessary spending. To me, it's only for a couple of days out of the year when (almost) everyone's mood is elevated because of all the love in the air.

Cheesey, fine. I can admit to that, but why not celebrate it? It shouldn't be once a year - it should be every day - but because this ONE day was singled out and you get to be surrounded around other sweethearts, just enjoy it. Even if you're single, I'm sure there are people around you who you love. Enjoy that. And if there's no one around you who you love, love yourself especially hard for the day.

Another reason I'm excited for Valentine's Day is because I can't wait to ball my eyes out for The Vow. I purposely try to provoke emotions out of myself so I'll go pay to see movies I know I'll be too scared to watch through open eyes and that are guaranteed to make me cry.  I have convinced J to take me to see this even though he's a regular guy who hates romance movies and this movie is like about 3 other Rachel McAdams movies I've seen before. 

Be honest, doesn't an itty bitty teeny tiny part of you kind of want to see this movie? 

Life Lessons

"The difference between school and life? In school you're taught a lesson and then given a test. In life you're given a test and then taught a lesson".

- Tom Boddett

Such is life. 

I've been learning that a lot of people (okay, not a lot, but some) that I've hung out with high school and even in college still have a lot of growing up to do. I know that you're always learning and growing in life, but there should be a certain point when you reach a level of maturity that can make you admirable. A role model, even. Now I'm not saying "I have arrived" or anything, but I'm happy and proud of the place I am in life right now.  I think once you can accept and understand the above quote, you're getting there.

Making my way around

First of all - Happy New Year, my bloggies! I hope your year has been filled with less stress, no mess and lots of happiness so far. I know mine has.

I hate giving you all updates of my life and no real awesome stories to go along with it, so I apologize for that. Instead, I will give you photos that illustrate what I have been up to. Most people are visual learners, right?

Giving in to my mini-shopping addiction.

Spending time with those I absolutely adore and haven't seen in foreverrrr.

Going to Florida and seeing my sissy poo.

And her brother. My boo.

Relaxing in the sun while everyone else dealt with NY's bipolar weather.

Bottle poppin' and show stoppin'.

Celebrating 2011's end and 2012 beginning.

Finding my new favorite hangout.

Photographing some crazies.

Being "grown".

Celebrating a much needed break.

How have you all been spending your year so far? Keeping up with those resolutions, I hope. I'll be making my blogging rounds to visit you all - just give me some time! :)

My Not-So-New-Years Resolutions

I don't want to call these my New Years Resolutions because these are not new resolutions. A lot of these are actually repeats *shrugs*. I could tell you about my usual resolutions like "reading more", "getting a promotion", and my ever-popular "finally get that license!", but those are tired. So here are the real little things I'd like to say I did by the end of 2012.

1.) Learn more about the world around me. For example: it would be nice to really know what's going on with the upcoming election. Do I really care? Nope. Will I deliberately start debates about it? Absolutely.

2.) Get my own Netflix account. It's not that I'm not happy using my boyfriend and roommate's, but there's something liberating about knowing you're watching your own Netflix with your own extremely descriptive favorite movies coming up. Clearly "supernatural thrillers with a strong female lead" is ALL me.

3.) Continue to get carded at every bar, restaurant, and rated-R movie I go to. Makes me feel young again.

4.) Hit the gym like it's going out of style. I've been doing it so far, but I can step it up. Like a lot. And now that I'm getting paid to look good, why wouldn't I keep it up? An elongated "daaaaamn" once and a while doesn't hurt either.

5.) Meet one of my followers. I'm usually somewhat wary about being new people, especially on the internet but this blog has turned out better than I've expected (just being honest here). I'd love to meet a follower from NY for lunch or coffee or something. And obviously, I'd blog about it RIGHT after. It would only be right :]

6.) Spend my usual time on Youtube learning how to do new nail designs, hairstyles and supporting emerging internet talent. You'd be surprised what Youtube has done for me lately.

7.) Develop a stronger relationship with Angel. If you don't already know, I name all of my electronics. My laptop's name is Miracle and my iPhone 4s is Angel. Angel and I have only met recently and there's still a whole lot more I need to learn about him.

You should know that I'll continue to be on my grind in 2012, because it's a part of who I am. These "resolutions" are just bound to help make the ride fun along the way.

Why the Real World doesn't care if you were Prom Queen

After spending an extended weekend back home in the 'burbs for Thanksgiving, I took full advantage of my time with my twin little brother and sister and reminisced about my high school days. They're going through the insignificant but common teen stage where they just want to fit in yet want to stand out - but in a good way. It's all "so very complicated" and I "just don't understand". Talking to them about what they really want out of life, their feasible hopes and dreams or even something that isn't on BET's 106 & Park is kind of like trying to teach yourself sign language. It's a cool idea at first, but then you realize that you might only use what you learn maybe twice again in your life if you're lucky. And no one will be impressed.

My biggest message to them was that who they are in high school (they're 15) will in no way, shape or form dictate who they'll become in 10 years. Unless, of course, they're on heavy drugs or currently dealing with teen pregnancies, which neither of them are. I wanted them to know that they had time to think about how they wanted to be perceived by the world. If you're not planning on going pro, it won't matter if you played varsity or JV lacrosse in high school. Yes, you'll meet some great people and learn the value of teamwork but said people probably won't associate themselves with you after you graduate. Sorry, but it is what it is. There are those rare occasions when you actually do keep in touch with your highschool buddies, though . . .do any of you guys still speak to people from when you were younger? I'll wait.

I figured the sooner they came to terms with this, the better. I know how important it is to be liked when you're surrounded by your highly judgmental peers on a daily basis but I promised them these people will not matter. Your junior prom queen may have it all together now spending daddy's money and struttin' a body that's about 5 years too developed but after you graduate, no one really cares if you were prom queen.

Trust me, I know.

No, I was not prom queen - ew! But I am incredibly perceptive and great at starting conversations. I did a crapload in both high school and college, made friends with the people who were "destined for success" and can I tell you that the only people who really care what you did in high school are the unfortunates you'll find frequenting the same bars? In that case, and that case only, being an alleged prom queen may get you a few drinks.

I tried explaining this to them and do you know what my little brother told me?

He asked me to post his tumblr on my blog. Apparently, he's "Tumblr Famous".

I wanted to go on a rant about how no one cares if you're 'tumblr famous' either but then I remembered that they are the next generation. Maybe they care. For now at least.

My first scandalous award

Haha ;)

The side of me that you guys read about the most is usually the jokester, overly emotional, Hello Kitty and True Blood obsessed good girl. Don't act like you have already passed judgement. But this award? This award is going to show you a different me, because someone in the blogging world wants to f*ck me. 

And I'm honored.

Okay, well she actually wants to make me her famous chocolate chip cookies and hold hands with me, but that's basically my idea of 3rd base so we're pretty much going all the way. Check out Allie's page and if you fall in love with her like I did don't say I didn't warn you. She's the kind of girl your mother warned you about.

I only chose a handful but just because you're not tagged it does not mean I wouldn't hit it/I don't love your blog. Remember that! So without further adieu. . .

My "Hit" List:

Wii - She's freaking adorable in so many ways. We have a bit of a blogger romance already, so naturally this is the next step.

Femmes With Benefits - There are THREE of them, ya'll, so I'd pretty much have a free for all.

Max - Max gives good blog. Take it from someone who has gotten good blog from her on more than one occasion ;)

Andrea - I've asked Andrea to marry me and she has accepted. Why we haven't been intimate yet is beyond me.

Lady K - She's a MILF and now she's a BILF too! Check her out and you'll see why.

You know when something isn't a good idea but you do it anyway?

Yeah, that happens to me sometimes.

There might be a psychological term for this and if there is, I have a very mild form of it. It's kind of like when you do something just to see what could happen even though you know there's 99% chance it's going to end badly, but you do it just for that 1% that something crazy good could happen? You like your odds anyway.

I was having that inner battle with myself the weekend I encountered my first real-life bar right. Please, hold the applause. I feel compelled to say now that I wasn't actually in the bar fight, per se. Being in it would imply I threw punches or took punches and homie don't even play that. Not in platforms, anyway.

The Bar Fight.

My college friend who I call "Country" (although she hates that because she swears Baltimore isn't "The South". Baltimore is the south and Westchester is upstate. It just is) came to visit for homecoming weekend so her, one of The Roomates, and myself decided to wander around Astoria and find something to get into. Country, whether she wanted to believe it or not, needed to be exposed to the city and I was going to be the friend to do that for her. This was the night I realized how heavily populated by hispanics my area is - specifically hispanic men. Specifically middle-aged hispanic men. I guess I should have noticed that on my last outing but fishbowl drinks, no dinner, and wine will have you thinking everyone's a Casanova.

We did our "rounds", which included us visiting our go-to clubs, but when we noticed that we didn't like the crowd, aka there weren't enough free drink offers and we weren't in the same incapacitated state as the first time we went there, we needed to find a more lively scene. This would have been a problem easily solved by going to a more lively club, but I had other plans.

There's this place that always plays good music but never has anyone in there nearby so I convince them we should check it out on our way to a new spot just so we can listen to the music for a bit. As we approach the restaraunt/club we see that the bartenders are wearing underwear (full bra and panties sets) and the guests have got to to be their cousins, brothers, and relatives of some kind because everyone looks alike.  This should have triggered the "don't go in there" alarm, and it did - until someone mentioned an open tab and us being more than welcomed to use it...

At that point it was kind of unanimous that we were going in there.

First problem - The music cuts off as soon as we enter and everyone stares at us. I joke around and ask if we're being punk'd but no one answers. I probably should have left here too.

Next problem - My friends are sending me all types of signals that it's time for us to get out of there. Country is visibly uncomfortable while this short hispanic man whispers sweet nothings in her ear, or rather . . .slobbers in her ear. It wasn't a pretty sight, but I figured we'd oblige and be social for five more minutes and then I'd say I was feeling sick and needed to get home asap. I didn't have much of a problem with the guys because I had my "f*ck off" face. You know the one.

I will say that the one good thing about the bar was that they had this awesome kareoke machine, and I really can't pass up karaoke. 

Just as I'm considering stepping up to the mic, Country's inebriated "date"gets mad because his friend pulled off his toupee (I don't make this up. It happens). He very sloppily throws the first punch with a near-miss to my friend's face and I take this as the most obvious cue for us to leave. 

Third problem? - The door is blocked by everyone that's trying to break up this fight so I literally duck and dodge my way to the entrance only to have the bartender signal the owner to block us from leaving. Why? Because those "free drinks" weren't so free after all.

I'm sorry? There's a fight in your establishment with some old man who offered to buy us free drinks and you're HALF-NAKED, but the problem here is that we're trying to leave? Go sit down.

Of course as soon as we're going to leave, the guys decide to make nice (???!!!!) and look at us like "Where do you think you're going"? So now we're the bad guys, and b*tch Nhya has to come out. Just grrrreeeeeatttt.

I size up the situation. Those two guys could barely fight each other, so I'd say Country, my roommate and I have a decent chance if it comes down to it. Then there's the whole issue of my platforms. I decide that the responsible thing to do is convince the owner that he doesn't want to keep us because we're not paying no matter what he says, I could have him locked up for selling alcohol to us minors (Not true, but whatever) and his drunk old man friend is the one he needs to talk to about the tab. It works.

I'd tell you the name of the place, but it's not worth it. Just know I won't be going back.

You know you're a journalist when

Because I love all my writer-types out there. . .

Some of these are mine and some I found online. All made me smile. 

• You can spend an unspecified amount of time in Starbucks sipping on the same "tall", overpriced drink. . .as long as they don't come at you for using their Wi-fi to update your blog, write your article, etc.

• While you may not agree with their methods of reaching success, you can appreciate the journalistic endeavors of the stars in the Devil Wears Prada, How To Lose a Guy in 10 Days, Sex and The City and yes - even Harriet The Spy. You understand the necessity of her notebook remaining confidential.

• Deadlines are of the utmost importance to you. In fact, you happen to work your best when you're only allotted a finite amount of time to produce something extraordinary.

• It drives you CRAZY when people don't know the difference between "too", "to", and "two." In fact, you're genuinely hurt when they misspell anything and don't correct it, and have to hold back from voicing it for fear of being "that guy."

• When you really start writing you go somewhere within yourself and sometimes, when you come out, days have passed, babies have been born, and pets have gone unfed.

• You have a deep appreciation for Apple Products - not all, but some. If only you could afford them.

• Whenever you're sending anything serious - email, text, whatever - you re-read it at least twice, checking for any spelling/mistakes or more importantly, if you can think of better "25-cent" word choices.

• You consult either of these books for those quarter words:

 

*Cough*Iownboth*cough*

• You're able to hold a conversation on just about any topic for at least 10 minutes from things floating around in your brain from pass research.

• You understand that Google does not = research. Not completely, anyway.

• You consider yourself fluent in sarcasm. To you it is indeed a language that not many people can decipher, but those who can are awesome in your book.

• You love a good quote. In fact, you can center a whole story around a quote if need be.

• Post-its help keep you sane.

Am I missing any? Let me know :]

I don't know what to say. . :]

This has been quite the eventful weekend for me for two reasons:

1.) I can actually HANG. I went out three nights in a row on my staycation (you'll hear about it later), dabbled in alcohol and did NOT lose consciousness or my sense of self-worth. It was fabulous, I got to see people I haven't seen in ages and pretend for a little while that I was a real adult.

2.) I feel poppin' because I got five blogger awards! Haha, my first awards, at that. Oh! And I won a giveaway from this blog. I'm hype. Not gunna lie. *Dougies*

Lots of love and tons of hugs to:

Diary of a Shallow Black Girl

I Am Not Perfect.!.!.!

Fashionista's Coffee

This is the first time I'm doing this so hopefully it's done right!

From: I Am Not Perfect.!.!.!

For this award I had to. . .

Share 7 random things about myself:

I cannot see a damn thing w/o my contacts/glasses. I consider myself fluent in sarcasm. I have this weird fastidious thing about me where I need my labels to face forward on my dresser. I haaaate chipped nail polish. I can't swallow pills. I love the 'bohemian chic' look. & I use to have the ONLY crush on Kevin from The Backstreet Boys.

Give the award the 15 other bloggers:

(See below)

Answer the following questions:

Fav. Color: Hot pink

Fav. Song: 'Caramel' by City High

Fav. Dessert: Red Velvet Cupcake

Biggest Pet Peeve: Chewing with your mouth open. OMG - and nail biting.

When you are upset you: Write about it

Fav. Pet: One of those teddy-bear-like dogs that never grow. . .I don't know the breed. Did I make that up?

Black or white: Depends ;]

Biggest Fear: Def going blind.

Best Feature: I'll go with my legs. Feelin' confident today.

Every attitude: Go confidently in the direction of your dreams and live the life you've always imagined! (Henry David Thoreau)

What is perfection?: Complete and utter chaos, but it's gotta be beautiful. Whatever you see it as.

Guilty Pleasure: Banana-flavored baby food. Have you ever snacked on it? Don't judge. . .

From: Fashionista's Coffee

For this award I had to. . .

Thank the person who gave it to me and link back to them:

Thanks, hun :] Lol. Check out her blog for great fash-piration <3

Post 7 random things about yourself:

I'm 5'7 and hoping I don't grow anymore. I want a tattoo at the end of the summer. I love wearing high heels, but wish I had more. I can't go into Forever 21 without purchasing something. I'm in a Latina-founded sorority. I'm allergic to orange juice, not oranges though. I can understand Spanish when spoken to me, but that's about as far as it goes.

Give 15 lucky bloggers these awards!:

Best Blog Award

http://chichismusings.blogspot.com/ • Because she’s super sweet and always optimistic. I love people like that!

http://asinglemothersjourney.blogspot.com/ • Because I love how she is with her girls and hope that one day I can be as great a mother as she is.

One Lovely Blogger Award

http://viralitis.blogspot.com/ • Because her blog never fails to entertain me.

http://doasbg.blogspot.com/ • Because I love the topics she discusses and she keeps it very real.

http://fashionistascoffee.blogspot.com/ • Because this girl KNOWS fashion likes it’s the back of her hand.

http://perfectlessworld.blogspot.com/ • Because her blog always makes me feel welcomed :)

http://sweetconfessions21.blogspot.com/ • Because she’s a sweetheart and her blog makes me wanna smile with my eyes!

http://chichismusings.blogspot.com/

The Versatile Blogger Award

http://www.femmeswithbenefits.com/ • Because this is one of my new fav sites for everything from fashion to relationship discussions! Check them out!

http://www.rosefromrosedale.com/ • Because we share the same bday so we’re obviously soul mates! Haha ;] and her blog is all-around inspirational.

http://gotmax.blogspot.com/ • Because I swear we’re like the same person, except I live vicariously through her since she’s far braver than I.

http://nicolealiciaonline.blogspot.com/ • Because I respect the hell out of her blog and enjoy her short stories.

Stylish Blogger Award

http://www.femmeswithbenefits.com/

http://peaceloveandreamarie.blogspot.com • Because she’s always posting something fashionably fabulous.

Kreativ Blogger Award

http://www.iamheizl.blogspot.com/ • Because she takes gorgeous pictures!

http://thediyera.blogspot.com/ • Because I see how creative she is and it makes me wanna tap into my inner DIY artist :]

http://thehuesmiles.blogspot.com/ • Because her blog is FULL of pictures of places I need to see!

So if you got an award, check out my little tidbit and then follow the instructions underneath it! Phew, this took a while because I have a lot of great followers to choose from. You guys all rock!

Hiding from the sun

This particular post was inspired by Shani's blog, where she posted the following video entitled 'Dark Girls':

Dark Girls: Preview from Bradinn French on Vimeo.

After watching it was I surprised by the way I was reacting. I didn't burst out in tears, but I was identifying some of those insecurities within myself that I thought I had conquered and I hated that. I wouldn't consider myself dark-skinned - I actually prefer caramel, hence my nickname - but I felt wrong for ever thinking that by Black standards, I'm better off being lighter, and by Dominican standards, I'm a bit too dark (both of my backgrounds). I think that at this point in my life I have grown a lot more comfortable with myself, skin color, body type, hair and all, but I seriously wish that myself and other young women didn't need to "get comfortable." Why are we the ones who have to do the adjusting? We're just expected to learn to love ourselves when we have ignorance hissing in our ears?

But listen, I'm not making excuses.

This past Spring semester I wrote my thesis on the changing portrayal of African American women's body image in magazines, so I covered everything from Aunt Jemima to Michelle Obama. Obviously, one of the big things I talked about was skin color and it's significance in both black and white society. It was the first time that I was seeing this written in books by scholars. Through my own research I discovered how there were brief stints of time when being dark skinned was en vogue (like during the 70s and around the Black Power Movement) and there were also times when being light skinned with more white features were in. Yet, light skin has historically been associated with a higher status and thus, more positive qualities. What hurt me the most was that it was black people who were judging one another the harshest. One thing I did discover is that even if darker-skinned models were being featured in magazines, there were still magazines that lightened well-known celebrities - celebrities that weren't even that dark to begin with. As much as we'd like to think we're growing as a society overall, we shouldn't be concerned about accepting dark-skinned women. We should have a natural inclination to love and tell people that they are beautiful no matter what their shade.

Watching that video also got me to start thinking about what my siblings and children, if I ever have any, are going to grow up with. People tell me now that they anticipate my boyfriend and I will have beautiful mixed kids because he's white and I'm black, but I always tell them that my kids will be beautiful no matter what race J and I was. I know I can't change the way people think as a whole, but I can always start with myself and I think my thesis helped me understand that. It's still a growing process though, because I do catch myself having my moments where I'm like, "Oh no! I don't wanna stay in the sun because I'll get darker." Like, it baffles me when my white friends ask me to "lay out."

But it's the summer. I should just enjoy it even if my skin goes from a Soft Sable to a Toasted Almond by L'Oreal standards.

Sidenote: "Toasted" almond! Why is that that?

Double Sidenote: If I hear, "she's pretty for a dark-skinned girl" one mo' 'gain. Okay, I'm done.

Tough Love

I tweeted something today that kind of inspired this post and I wanted to clarify it. My belief is that if you love someone - you really love them and believe in them - then you'll be their worst critic because you're their biggest fan.

It sounds a bit harsh, but the more I thought about it, the more I believed it. This applies to friends and lovers - anyone you really care about. For example, with Mr. JC (my boyfriend) I've learned to take any advice he gives me as it being a way of him showing me he cares. In past relationships I was never really criticized, leading me to think that I was this above-and-beyond amazing girlfriend that anyone would bend over backwards to have. Now don't get me wrong - I still think I'm a great catch (c'monnnn), but I'm human, and humans make mistakes and need to improve upon them. As much as I might think I know about writing or anything for that matter, I want people to tell me how I can get better. How can I be a better writer or a better person? Tell me about myself.

A couple of people who have consistently kept it real with me are obviously the ones who I know love me unconditionally, like my mother. But I've also been fortunate enough to meet others in life who I trust to give me the kind of tough love that I need, and so I return the favor. With my friends, when I tell them they deserve swift kicks to their ovaries for doing something stupid like butchering an interview or stumbling over their words with a hot guy, I say it full of love. There's a fine line between verbal abuse, and good advice and I don't mind flirting with it for their well being.

I do it because I think that they're a great person and I see potential for even more improvement. I can only hope that I get back the same tough love. Don't tell me my outfit looks cute when you know my colors clash in an unholy way. If something I said leaves a bad taste in your mouth - please tell me. Because I'd tell you.

People in general need to give useful criticism to people they care about. And remember, when you're on the receiving end, what you're being told is almost always tied to someone's personal opinion and those are subject to change. In the end, do what you think is best but don't dismiss what you're being told. Sometimes even your thoughts on what is best for you can change.

PS - In regards to my 10-day-you-challenge, lol. . .I'll do that post later. Tomorrow maybe? Eh.

The Masquerade: Best of Frenemies ッ

Photocredit - Famous Frenemies

They claim to have your best interest in mind, but their actions speak differently. They are the kind of people who are right by your side when things are going good in your life, but as soon as the clouds move in, they’re no where to be found. For the guys, it’s that “friend” who’s great when you need a hook-up of any kind, but always reminding you of how that girl you’ve been pinning over is out of your league (probably because he wants her for himself). For the ladies, it’s that girl who’s clothes you love to borrow, but who you wouldn’t dare leave alone with your man.

Girls, she’s your friend, who you’ll club-hop with and who will suffer with you as long as your misery it matches her own. But in that same respect, she’s your enemy – she’s critical of you, and never seems to have anything truly productive to add to your life. She’s just kind of. . there.

We all have frenemies. Naturally, no girl will admit to not being able to stand that chick that she just called for advice, but I think it’s clear to everyone how backwards women operate. So why don’t we dismiss these falsies masquerading as friends?

It’s because we don’t have to actually like our friends. People who should really be given the title “associate” or “fair-weather friend” are often described as “friends” or for the truly delusional – besties. We love something about them, and that’s why we keep them around. Maybe she’s our very dependable source of entertainment, or the person we can rely on for amazing shopping discounts or VIP access at clubs. Besides, that age old saying absolutely applies to this relationship: Keep your friends close. Keep your enemies closer. Keep your frenemies on speed dial.

I’ve described them in an unflattering way, but don’t mistake your frenemy for someone who’s two-faced, because that may not be their intent. You just need to recognize that there are things about that person that cannot be trusted, and that you must take everything they say with a grain of salt.

Obviously if you refuse to rid your life of them completely, there’s something there worth exploring. It’s like a fatale attraction, and to be honest – you’re using her too. You might be her frenemy, and you’re trapped in the same childish rotation. Treat everyone with respect, but also respect yourself enough to know that if drama follows you whenever you’re with this particular person, you need to distance yourself. If not, the cycle will continue and you’ll find yourself with repeat deadbeats.

Basically, woman up!

Know your worth

I may not be the best person when it comes to facts and figures. In retrospect, the only reason I passed AP Economics with flying colors in high school was because of my way with words and my teacher’s reluctance to abide by strict teaching guidelines. However, for the sake of this argument, I’m gunna relate to it to financial terms. Money is a universal language. Investments. Opportunity costs. All that good ish that I thought was buried deep in my mind with all my other horrific high school memories resurfaced when I started thinking about one of my favorite topics for discussion.

Men.

More specifically, that seemingly extinct “good man” that plenty have attacked, and plenty more have almost given up on finding. I know I’m young, and I have “my whole life ahead of me”, but I’m not the only young female by any stretch of the imagination who has something to say about the deficiency of eligible good guys out there. Like the US economy, the pool of good guys also seems to be in a recession.

Not to further depress you or anything, but let’s relate it to the facts. From what I’ve observed, and from a totally not-feministic standpoint (*wink*), ladies have it rough. I’m not talking about the older bitter woman, with years of failed relationships who is just now figuring out that the problem might be her either. I’m talking about the young, doe-eyed, and impressionable young women of today. The ones who have only felt the beginning of heartache, if that, and are preparing themselves for what they consider to be the inevitable heartaches to come.

Think of a good young man as a commodity – he’s rare, and he’s in high demand. He’s the guy who treats you well, respects you as not only a person but as a partner, handles his business, and knows that what he wants to get in life will not just be handed to him. Granted, there are plenty of triflin’ women trying to seduce the “good man”, and because he is a man, these shiny things catch his attention. Some women dress in barely-there clothing to compete for his affection. When they are beat out by girls, they do the next best thing and quite possibly the worst thing: lower their standards. They lower their price.

The other guys, because the market is so flooded with these eager women pinning for male attention, now have the chance to step in. Women who would otherwise pass them over because it’s clear that they’re under-qualified for the position might front for a little bit, but will soon realize that an attitude doesn’t keep them warm at night. If enough guys try, and enough guys they’ve invested in happen to fail, suddenly the thing of weaker value starts looking better. You don’t even realize it – just like you start cutting back on brand names when grocery shopping to save yourself the money, you cut back on qualities when looking for a date to save yourself some stress. You begin making excuses for them, you let sh-t slide – you forget your worth.

Why?

I guess it’s because it’s better to be in the business somewhat lucrative, than out of it completely and utterly broke. It’s sad, but to those few guys (and I know some of you are out there) who know the game is unfortunately in their favor and still choose to maximize their potential as a partner as opposed to doing the bare minimum, I say thanks. May you land a strong foine-ass woman, if you haven’t already.

And to the rest of you who still have yet to mature emotionally and logically – enjoy it while it lasts. Women are all the more wiser to the way the market has changed, and if we adjust ourselves accordingly, you’ll be the ones left looking stupid. Not us.

PS – The US Dollar is about 67 cents compared to the Euro right now. I’m not saying European men are better, I’m just sayin’. . .don’t knock it till you try it ; ]

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