TEHYF Tuesdays: Why I'd make an awesome Dance Mom

There are a lot of shows I've recently thought I'd make a great cast addition to (like a vampire on True Blood or a contestant on Big Brother or my dream of being a judge on So You Think You Can Dance), but now I think I've found a new love.

When you can get pass the reality of me not actually being a mom (let's not focus on the negative), I think I've come up with some really solid reasons for why I think I'd make a great Dance Mom. For example:

• I want me some bedazzled black yoga pants.

• Although J and I have not had a child, I'm almost positive that this kid will come out beautiful. And not because I think him and I have amazing genes that could only result in a beyond gorgeous baby. I think they'll be beautiful because even if they aren't, I'm not above using plastic surgery to help further advance their career.

• I consider myself to be viciously competitive - especially if it's something I think I have a good chance at winning. And hey, if I can't win it, I'm sure my daughter can. Living vicariously through your children, anyone?

• Kids are people too, but Dance Kids are like little dolls that you can make-up and then teach routine's that are far too mature for their age group. And it's okay. Sort of. People encourage it is my point.

• I harbor enough estrogen and emotions to fuel about five other normal women and transform them into Dance Moms.

As I think of more reasons for why I should look into this, I'll update it. In the meantime, keep sending me questions so I have something to look forward to ;]

My prepubescent harbinger crush on Devon Sawa

Shhhh. Don't talk about it.

One of the sites I frequently stalk posted about what your kiddie crush says about you. I didn't have to reminisce for long because my I very clearly remember what my young loins lusted for and that was Devon Sawa.

Y'know, in his better years.

That long blonde-ish/brown hair. Those cute gapped teeth. The fact that he always looked confused with his puppy eyes *swooooon*. All of my elementary school crushes pretty much looked exactly like him. Nevermind him constantly taking on roles where he was cursed, or partaking in some illegal activity or sticking his tongue down Christina Ricci's throat. That was my boo. In my head, anyway.

Unfortunately, Dev-o (my nickname for him) looks cracked out in more ways than one right now, and that really saddens me. His face reflects that his future may have been paved with illicit drugs, trick babies, and dirty needles. . .But I don't want to focus on the negative. I just wanna bask in how cute he use to be. Which was very, very, very freakin' adorable. If you wanna see him now, google him, fine, whatever. But you've been warned.

Apparently having him as a crush meant I was attracted to douchebags (go figure). Muscle-heads who I could probably easily manipulate because intellectually I surpassed them. . .I don't totally disagree (but they're so freakin' cute!). Anyway, those days are long over.

So tell me, chickadees. . .who was your top childhood crush?

(And if you have nothing nice to say about Devon, don't say anything at all! I mean it! lol)

At last, a trend I can get down with

What's all the hype about?

Featuring Circle Contacts

Finally!

I knew that one day having big, beautiful, dove-like, cartoony, exaggerated eyes would be the "in" thing. I knew myself and my fellow baby-doll eyed people would get their day. Apparently, this day came a while ago and I'm just now finding out about it. Damn shame.
The big circular lenses give the appearance of larger eyes and can be purchased for $20 online (plus shipping and handling, of course). People seem to think that GaGa brought it to America with her 'Bad Romance' video, but they've been popular ever since people first started getting into anime.

Tutorial/News-ish video.

I'd like to take this time to personally say SUCK IT to those in my past who have told me that my eyes look like something along the lines of "a deer in headlights." Hmph.

Disclaimer: If you haven't already figured it out, I do not wear these contact lenses. Au natural, baby. But if you do decide to wear them, be aware that they pose the same risks as regular contact lenses and are not FDA-approved. Have fun now.

Sorry, she can't hear you - she's kind of busy

What's all the hype about?

Featuring Lady Gaga

Photo credit

Even if you’re not a die-hard fan, it has been brought to my attention that a lot of people are strangely attracted to Stefani Joanne Angelina Germanotta and don’t quite know why. You might know her better as “girl who wears birds nests to awards show” or, her human name: Lady Gaga.

I will admit that at first I couldn’t wrap my head around her insta-fame. Even with her constantly grabbing her crotch and her hazardous space cadet outfits – how was she still generating so many fans? Her Singing? Mediocre, at best. Dance moves? Very 7^th-grade-musical inspired. Lo and behold, though, after countless radio replays and a few music videos that propelled me into deep thought about the state of our entertainment industry, I was hooked.

It irked me that I couldn’t explain exactly why I liked her. Her “special something” was hard to pinpoint, and I’d imagine that even those with respectable music tastes might be wondering the same thing. I’ve decided to chalk it up to social influence and the decaying expectations for quality music. So here you have it. . .

The Top 5 reasons for why people are goo-goo-ga-ga over this lady:

5.) Her “inspiration.” Pop culture is constantly changing. One day this certain thing is really amazing, and the next we hate it and it makes our ears bleed. It was so two months ago (ages in pop time). Right now pop culture is taking a liking to the weird, tortured artist even more than usual. Gaga has drawn inspiration from (whether she’ll admit to it or not): Marilyn Monroe, Britney Spears, Michael Jackson, Beyonce, Cyndi Lauper, and Madonna. And we just loved them…at the time. We can thank their contagious stardom for her over-the-top performances and music being overplayed now.

4.) Her attitude. Gaga’s smart enough to not put herself into a box. Yes, she’s a pop artist but there will be times when you’ll wonder if she was feeling rock-ish on that track or having a techno moment on another. She’s willing to experiment and push the envelope, and while there might be times when you don’t know how the hell that video had to do with that song (or what that song had to do with, period), she still makes you laugh because she peaks your interest. She’ll talk about controversial topics like lesbianism in prisons because she knows it’ll either go over your head or force you to decode her. She just does her.

3.) Image is everything. Just like her music genre, her outfits and image as a whole is that welcomed kind of “out there” that the young’ns like. People are attracted to the unusual, yet compelling. People like the strong, yet disorderly. Even if these same people don’t like actually listening to her lacking vocal talent, they can at least appreciate her courageous fashion efforts. Most of the time. Maybe you wouldn’t wear her stuff walking into the grocery store. However, if you were making millions, you’d wear that spandex suit down a runway, too. Don’t front. She’s a genius when it comes to promoting herself.

2.) Dignity – an accessory she could do without. Her blonde wigs and caution-tape bathing suits are doing her just fine. She has no problem embracing her sexuality and being uncouth, eye catching, jaw-dropping, inappropriate, and down-right disrespectful to social norms. As I said in #9 – she doesn’t give a f*ck. In fact, does anyone have an extra f*ck to spare? Because she’s fresh out. At the end of the day, people like people who don’t care. It makes them not want to care.

1.) & the NUMBER ONE reason for why people are still gettin’ off to GaGa’s madness?

We’re slaves, and she knows it. We’ve gotten to the point where music making sense and people actually being talented is the least of our worries. There are many talented unknowns out there who aren’t getting ¼ of the playtime LGG is, but it’s because they’re not using her formula right and we’re just not buying it. Give us a good show. Give us something miniscule to whine about or emulate. Make us scratch our heads and guess what’s coming next. Give us Gaga – she’s what we want.