TEHYF Tuesdays: Do I look like a pushover? Don't answer that.

Theeeeey're  back!

• My mom has decided to use me to get re-aquainted with "the one who got away," and if you don't know what I'm talking about then you really ought to be following my Twitter. If you like me in 2,000 characters you'll love me in 140 (or less).

• YouTube and I decided it was best if we started seeing other people for a while. It was becoming an unhealthy relationship. I won't say that I felt like I was giving it my all and getting nothing in return, because it was the opposite - I didn't think I was bringing enough to the table. I was learning how to cook and style my hair, doing 8-minute-abs and I contributed nothing back.

• In other news, me and the New Girl have started seeing each other and I am smitten.

• Certain stores (you know the kind) in my neck of the woods have been trying to pull one over on me. I know I needed a job, like, yesterday, but can you really expect me to work full time 7 days a week? That don't sound right. What are we selling? Crack-cocaine?

• Speaking of crack, I've finally started to get over my irrational fear of strangers. I still think like 97% of people either want to rape or stab you, but living in the "city" is loosening me up a bit. I think that flamboyant crack fiend complimenting me in the subway this past Saturday helped.

• Rosh Hashanah is coming up which means my obligatory Jewish holiday dinner with J's family is also coming up. To say I'm excited for home-cooked food prepared my qualified home cookers is an understatement.

• I also finally figured out how to use my iPhone's iBrain's Maps as a compass correctly so now I don't have to walk 3 blocks in the wrong direction for an interview anymore.

What the earthquake taught me

(If you recognize this picture, I love you because you've watched Charmed)

It's very rare (though not impossible) for New Yorkers to experience an earthquake, or even an aftershock from an earthquake. It is, however, not unlike us to make the biggest deal out of any unusual situation that we might face. Dramatic and New York kind of go hand in hand like Idaho and potatoes (ever met someone from Idaho? They hate when you say that) and Florida and really, really old people retiring there and slowing up traffic.

But I'll digress.

When the earthquake earth hiccup occurred I was sitting on my boyfriend's futon and thought that someone was doing construction nearby until I looked over and saw the bed and everything on it was shaking too.

My first thought was that I was overreacting until it continued for another minute or two, and then I needed to consult a trusted source about what was happening: Twitter.

Lo and behold, after a little lagging and Twitter being "over capacity", the New Yorkers on my timeline were in a frenzy, tweeting pictures of how their picture frames had tilted an inch off the wall. And I thought I was dramatic.

Here are some things the weak aftershock that us New Yorkers are calling an earthquake taught me:

1.) In this world there does exist someone more dramatic than I am and her name is La Madre, who felt it was crucial to call me repeatedly until I answered after the "quake". Her floor apparently rocked more because she's so high up and she thought they might be having some sort of pre-September 11th thing going on. Why someone would target a small opthalmology company in Long Island is beyond me.

2.) I may need some new friends. I sent a text to one asking if we just had an earthquake and he told me that it was probably just alcohol withdrawal. Is it wrong that for a second, I thought he made a valid assumption?

3.) That maternal instinctive survival gene I thought I was missing is actually there. I called J at work (First person! Yay for being a good gf!). Not sure that I would have been able to do anything over the phone to help him, but it's the thought that counts.

4.) I am SO GLAD I was not on a Subway. I don't think there was any record of problems on NYC subs but I. Don't. Care. That is the last place I want to be when there's any kind of earth movement. This isn't a lesson, more of a me-just-being-happy thing.

Sidenote, and totally off-topic: I need your honest opinion on if I'm too old to purchase this microwave from Target. . .

I love it though.

TEHYF Tuesdays: Why I'd make an awesome Dance Mom

There are a lot of shows I've recently thought I'd make a great cast addition to (like a vampire on True Blood or a contestant on Big Brother or my dream of being a judge on So You Think You Can Dance), but now I think I've found a new love.

When you can get pass the reality of me not actually being a mom (let's not focus on the negative), I think I've come up with some really solid reasons for why I think I'd make a great Dance Mom. For example:

• I want me some bedazzled black yoga pants.

• Although J and I have not had a child, I'm almost positive that this kid will come out beautiful. And not because I think him and I have amazing genes that could only result in a beyond gorgeous baby. I think they'll be beautiful because even if they aren't, I'm not above using plastic surgery to help further advance their career.

• I consider myself to be viciously competitive - especially if it's something I think I have a good chance at winning. And hey, if I can't win it, I'm sure my daughter can. Living vicariously through your children, anyone?

• Kids are people too, but Dance Kids are like little dolls that you can make-up and then teach routine's that are far too mature for their age group. And it's okay. Sort of. People encourage it is my point.

• I harbor enough estrogen and emotions to fuel about five other normal women and transform them into Dance Moms.

As I think of more reasons for why I should look into this, I'll update it. In the meantime, keep sending me questions so I have something to look forward to ;]

The stuff dreams are made of

Some updates:

First of all - Thanks for all the kind words and condolences from my previous post, everyone. I'm doing better today. . .I was actually pretty out of it all day at work yesterday. Your comments really brightened up my day. . .I know many (well, pretty much all of you, lol) don't know me personally but you have no idea how far some inspirational words can go.

Second off - I'm heading home this weekend to wreak unnecessary havoc on my household. And get food because funds are, as always, low.

& Finally - Look what I've been spending my days at work doing. . .

Planking. I feel like Nicole will appreciate this. Lol. Ahhhh, I need a grown-up person's job -.-

And since I'm always looking for a good cry, and I am JUST NOW discovering this video. Watch it. If you don't tear up/bawl/re-evaluate your faith then you were clearly born soul-less.

Hiding from the sun

This particular post was inspired by Shani's blog, where she posted the following video entitled 'Dark Girls':

Dark Girls: Preview from Bradinn French on Vimeo.

After watching it was I surprised by the way I was reacting. I didn't burst out in tears, but I was identifying some of those insecurities within myself that I thought I had conquered and I hated that. I wouldn't consider myself dark-skinned - I actually prefer caramel, hence my nickname - but I felt wrong for ever thinking that by Black standards, I'm better off being lighter, and by Dominican standards, I'm a bit too dark (both of my backgrounds). I think that at this point in my life I have grown a lot more comfortable with myself, skin color, body type, hair and all, but I seriously wish that myself and other young women didn't need to "get comfortable." Why are we the ones who have to do the adjusting? We're just expected to learn to love ourselves when we have ignorance hissing in our ears?

But listen, I'm not making excuses.

This past Spring semester I wrote my thesis on the changing portrayal of African American women's body image in magazines, so I covered everything from Aunt Jemima to Michelle Obama. Obviously, one of the big things I talked about was skin color and it's significance in both black and white society. It was the first time that I was seeing this written in books by scholars. Through my own research I discovered how there were brief stints of time when being dark skinned was en vogue (like during the 70s and around the Black Power Movement) and there were also times when being light skinned with more white features were in. Yet, light skin has historically been associated with a higher status and thus, more positive qualities. What hurt me the most was that it was black people who were judging one another the harshest. One thing I did discover is that even if darker-skinned models were being featured in magazines, there were still magazines that lightened well-known celebrities - celebrities that weren't even that dark to begin with. As much as we'd like to think we're growing as a society overall, we shouldn't be concerned about accepting dark-skinned women. We should have a natural inclination to love and tell people that they are beautiful no matter what their shade.

Watching that video also got me to start thinking about what my siblings and children, if I ever have any, are going to grow up with. People tell me now that they anticipate my boyfriend and I will have beautiful mixed kids because he's white and I'm black, but I always tell them that my kids will be beautiful no matter what race J and I was. I know I can't change the way people think as a whole, but I can always start with myself and I think my thesis helped me understand that. It's still a growing process though, because I do catch myself having my moments where I'm like, "Oh no! I don't wanna stay in the sun because I'll get darker." Like, it baffles me when my white friends ask me to "lay out."

But it's the summer. I should just enjoy it even if my skin goes from a Soft Sable to a Toasted Almond by L'Oreal standards.

Sidenote: "Toasted" almond! Why is that that?

Double Sidenote: If I hear, "she's pretty for a dark-skinned girl" one mo' 'gain. Okay, I'm done.

Sorry, she can't hear you - she's kind of busy

What's all the hype about?

Featuring Lady Gaga

Photo credit

Even if you’re not a die-hard fan, it has been brought to my attention that a lot of people are strangely attracted to Stefani Joanne Angelina Germanotta and don’t quite know why. You might know her better as “girl who wears birds nests to awards show” or, her human name: Lady Gaga.

I will admit that at first I couldn’t wrap my head around her insta-fame. Even with her constantly grabbing her crotch and her hazardous space cadet outfits – how was she still generating so many fans? Her Singing? Mediocre, at best. Dance moves? Very 7^th-grade-musical inspired. Lo and behold, though, after countless radio replays and a few music videos that propelled me into deep thought about the state of our entertainment industry, I was hooked.

It irked me that I couldn’t explain exactly why I liked her. Her “special something” was hard to pinpoint, and I’d imagine that even those with respectable music tastes might be wondering the same thing. I’ve decided to chalk it up to social influence and the decaying expectations for quality music. So here you have it. . .

The Top 5 reasons for why people are goo-goo-ga-ga over this lady:

5.) Her “inspiration.” Pop culture is constantly changing. One day this certain thing is really amazing, and the next we hate it and it makes our ears bleed. It was so two months ago (ages in pop time). Right now pop culture is taking a liking to the weird, tortured artist even more than usual. Gaga has drawn inspiration from (whether she’ll admit to it or not): Marilyn Monroe, Britney Spears, Michael Jackson, Beyonce, Cyndi Lauper, and Madonna. And we just loved them…at the time. We can thank their contagious stardom for her over-the-top performances and music being overplayed now.

4.) Her attitude. Gaga’s smart enough to not put herself into a box. Yes, she’s a pop artist but there will be times when you’ll wonder if she was feeling rock-ish on that track or having a techno moment on another. She’s willing to experiment and push the envelope, and while there might be times when you don’t know how the hell that video had to do with that song (or what that song had to do with, period), she still makes you laugh because she peaks your interest. She’ll talk about controversial topics like lesbianism in prisons because she knows it’ll either go over your head or force you to decode her. She just does her.

3.) Image is everything. Just like her music genre, her outfits and image as a whole is that welcomed kind of “out there” that the young’ns like. People are attracted to the unusual, yet compelling. People like the strong, yet disorderly. Even if these same people don’t like actually listening to her lacking vocal talent, they can at least appreciate her courageous fashion efforts. Most of the time. Maybe you wouldn’t wear her stuff walking into the grocery store. However, if you were making millions, you’d wear that spandex suit down a runway, too. Don’t front. She’s a genius when it comes to promoting herself.

2.) Dignity – an accessory she could do without. Her blonde wigs and caution-tape bathing suits are doing her just fine. She has no problem embracing her sexuality and being uncouth, eye catching, jaw-dropping, inappropriate, and down-right disrespectful to social norms. As I said in #9 – she doesn’t give a f*ck. In fact, does anyone have an extra f*ck to spare? Because she’s fresh out. At the end of the day, people like people who don’t care. It makes them not want to care.

1.) & the NUMBER ONE reason for why people are still gettin’ off to GaGa’s madness?

We’re slaves, and she knows it. We’ve gotten to the point where music making sense and people actually being talented is the least of our worries. There are many talented unknowns out there who aren’t getting ¼ of the playtime LGG is, but it’s because they’re not using her formula right and we’re just not buying it. Give us a good show. Give us something miniscule to whine about or emulate. Make us scratch our heads and guess what’s coming next. Give us Gaga – she’s what we want.

Start beating your children! Only, not *really*

I'm not saying you should be having a full-on fight complete with removed earrings and vaseline with your 6-year-old, but please, PLEASE, let them know who's boss.

On one of the rare occasions when I was listening to the news - I me

an really listening, not just hearing - I heard about that 14 y/o hooligan who attacked their teacher. Bit 'em. Punched 'em. Put 'em in a coma with a series of kicks and stomps. Why? Because they were caught cheating on their test. . .

Maybe it's just me but if I was the parent, yes, the law would have to take over and he'd be charged with second degree assault, but I'll be damned if he isn't getting his ass whupped all up and down the Long Island area. If Uniondale is the kind of school district where this kind of thing is common, then that's sad and it's even sadder that there are more schools like that. My little brother is around that age. .

And while he might look harmless, if he were to ever do something like that. . .well, let's just say Juvie would be the least of his problems.