What the earthquake taught me

(If you recognize this picture, I love you because you've watched Charmed)

It's very rare (though not impossible) for New Yorkers to experience an earthquake, or even an aftershock from an earthquake. It is, however, not unlike us to make the biggest deal out of any unusual situation that we might face. Dramatic and New York kind of go hand in hand like Idaho and potatoes (ever met someone from Idaho? They hate when you say that) and Florida and really, really old people retiring there and slowing up traffic.

But I'll digress.

When the earthquake earth hiccup occurred I was sitting on my boyfriend's futon and thought that someone was doing construction nearby until I looked over and saw the bed and everything on it was shaking too.

My first thought was that I was overreacting until it continued for another minute or two, and then I needed to consult a trusted source about what was happening: Twitter.

Lo and behold, after a little lagging and Twitter being "over capacity", the New Yorkers on my timeline were in a frenzy, tweeting pictures of how their picture frames had tilted an inch off the wall. And I thought I was dramatic.

Here are some things the weak aftershock that us New Yorkers are calling an earthquake taught me:

1.) In this world there does exist someone more dramatic than I am and her name is La Madre, who felt it was crucial to call me repeatedly until I answered after the "quake". Her floor apparently rocked more because she's so high up and she thought they might be having some sort of pre-September 11th thing going on. Why someone would target a small opthalmology company in Long Island is beyond me.

2.) I may need some new friends. I sent a text to one asking if we just had an earthquake and he told me that it was probably just alcohol withdrawal. Is it wrong that for a second, I thought he made a valid assumption?

3.) That maternal instinctive survival gene I thought I was missing is actually there. I called J at work (First person! Yay for being a good gf!). Not sure that I would have been able to do anything over the phone to help him, but it's the thought that counts.

4.) I am SO GLAD I was not on a Subway. I don't think there was any record of problems on NYC subs but I. Don't. Care. That is the last place I want to be when there's any kind of earth movement. This isn't a lesson, more of a me-just-being-happy thing.

Sidenote, and totally off-topic: I need your honest opinion on if I'm too old to purchase this microwave from Target. . .

I love it though.

TEHYF Tuesdays: Why I'd make an awesome Dance Mom

There are a lot of shows I've recently thought I'd make a great cast addition to (like a vampire on True Blood or a contestant on Big Brother or my dream of being a judge on So You Think You Can Dance), but now I think I've found a new love.

When you can get pass the reality of me not actually being a mom (let's not focus on the negative), I think I've come up with some really solid reasons for why I think I'd make a great Dance Mom. For example:

• I want me some bedazzled black yoga pants.

• Although J and I have not had a child, I'm almost positive that this kid will come out beautiful. And not because I think him and I have amazing genes that could only result in a beyond gorgeous baby. I think they'll be beautiful because even if they aren't, I'm not above using plastic surgery to help further advance their career.

• I consider myself to be viciously competitive - especially if it's something I think I have a good chance at winning. And hey, if I can't win it, I'm sure my daughter can. Living vicariously through your children, anyone?

• Kids are people too, but Dance Kids are like little dolls that you can make-up and then teach routine's that are far too mature for their age group. And it's okay. Sort of. People encourage it is my point.

• I harbor enough estrogen and emotions to fuel about five other normal women and transform them into Dance Moms.

As I think of more reasons for why I should look into this, I'll update it. In the meantime, keep sending me questions so I have something to look forward to ;]

Feliz Cumpleanos, Gems!

So today marks the 15th year my baby brother and sister and favorite Geminis (aka "The Twins") have been on this earth. It's pretty insane how quickly they grow up. Don't believe me? See for yourself.

This is them at age. . . err. A while ago. They were babies. And they were BAD.

And this is them now . .

Siyed

Siajah. And some boy who's arm shouldn't be around her cuz she's TOO YOUNG.

See what I mean?? When did they grow up?

Apparently they're too cool to go by their government names on Facebook so Siajah is "Sage" to you and Siyed is "Teddy", lol.

Happy 15th Birthday, Munchkins!

Do me a favor and. . .

• Graduate college

• Don't get arrested. Or pregnant.

• Don't drive mommy crazy. Seriously, once you guys are out - she's free. She's so close.

• Say no to drugs and all that.

• Keep pursuing those dreams and don't let anyone tell you otherwise.

• Be better than me. Well, try to :P

Sidenote to readers: I will check out blogs, respond to comments, follow back, etc. probably Monday-ish. It's been a busy weekend. I lost my damn mind at Victoria's Secret Semi-annual sale today and tonight I'm in the city. I however, did not forget about y'all! Thanks for the support! Oh, and I'mma finish my challenge, lol. I'm like. . .a week behind. Whatever.

Start beating your children! Only, not *really*

I'm not saying you should be having a full-on fight complete with removed earrings and vaseline with your 6-year-old, but please, PLEASE, let them know who's boss.

On one of the rare occasions when I was listening to the news - I me

an really listening, not just hearing - I heard about that 14 y/o hooligan who attacked their teacher. Bit 'em. Punched 'em. Put 'em in a coma with a series of kicks and stomps. Why? Because they were caught cheating on their test. . .

Maybe it's just me but if I was the parent, yes, the law would have to take over and he'd be charged with second degree assault, but I'll be damned if he isn't getting his ass whupped all up and down the Long Island area. If Uniondale is the kind of school district where this kind of thing is common, then that's sad and it's even sadder that there are more schools like that. My little brother is around that age. .

And while he might look harmless, if he were to ever do something like that. . .well, let's just say Juvie would be the least of his problems.