Holla. It's my birthday!

*Busts a Dougie*

Yes, you've heard (read?) correctly. The day has arrived.

I know I've talked about celebrating here and here, way beforehand, and I've confused a lot of you but THIS IS LEGIT. July 27th, 2011 is here and I'm 22 years old!

To commemorate this new year in my life and start my countdown to 30 (wahhh! :(), aside from chronicling the f.cktivities I partake in (which will be outlined in further detail after this weekend), I'd like to share my 22nd year of wisdom with all of you. Some of you might have already realized these things at a younger age or still haven't realized it yourself, but I'm sharing it anyway.

Life has a way of re-routing your plans and to enjoy it to the fullest, you just have to go with it. Everything will work itself out. Don't be afraid of new experiences and new people and certainly don't dwell on old things. Those things happen to make you a better person today.

So there ya have it. Gotta take my own advice!

Also, I wanted to shout out all of you guys for being such awesome followers once again. I'm like, 5 followers away from 100 and I've only been actively updating this blog for like a month. I love that you guys care enough to read what I write or even to comment on anything. Loves it. *throws glitter everywhere*

Ohh, and special shout out to Rose and Miss Sassy Pants for sharing this birthday with me! I don't want to toot my own horn, but I'm inclined to believe that Leos born on July 27th are made from some of the best stuff on earth because everyone I met with my birthday is so awesome, it's almost not fair.

My prepubescent harbinger crush on Devon Sawa

Shhhh. Don't talk about it.

One of the sites I frequently stalk posted about what your kiddie crush says about you. I didn't have to reminisce for long because my I very clearly remember what my young loins lusted for and that was Devon Sawa.

Y'know, in his better years.

That long blonde-ish/brown hair. Those cute gapped teeth. The fact that he always looked confused with his puppy eyes *swooooon*. All of my elementary school crushes pretty much looked exactly like him. Nevermind him constantly taking on roles where he was cursed, or partaking in some illegal activity or sticking his tongue down Christina Ricci's throat. That was my boo. In my head, anyway.

Unfortunately, Dev-o (my nickname for him) looks cracked out in more ways than one right now, and that really saddens me. His face reflects that his future may have been paved with illicit drugs, trick babies, and dirty needles. . .But I don't want to focus on the negative. I just wanna bask in how cute he use to be. Which was very, very, very freakin' adorable. If you wanna see him now, google him, fine, whatever. But you've been warned.

Apparently having him as a crush meant I was attracted to douchebags (go figure). Muscle-heads who I could probably easily manipulate because intellectually I surpassed them. . .I don't totally disagree (but they're so freakin' cute!). Anyway, those days are long over.

So tell me, chickadees. . .who was your top childhood crush?

(And if you have nothing nice to say about Devon, don't say anything at all! I mean it! lol)

Tell em how you feel Tuesdays: When life hands you lemons. . .

I honestly couldn't think of a better title for this entry (sorry) but whatever. You're gunna love this post because I'm telling you to.

So I'm realizing that gaining independence doesn't mean you're independent of your parents fully. Being independent of your biological parents just gives you a new mom and new dad, and their names are Uncle Sam and Sallie Mae.

• This weekend I pre-celebrated my pre-birthday with a few friends. Good food, good drinks. Two more celebrations to come ;] I'm a pain in the ass.

• I'm getting SO ANTSY about moving into the city in September. I actually have yet to tell my mother about me not coming home after this summer. Whatever, this weekend when I go home I'll be sure to bring it up, lol. Good thing she doesn't read this blog!

• Victoria's Secret is giving out these cute-ass little doggies! Go make a purchase of any kind (or two, like I did so you can get two dogs) for free. Lol. That was the one thing that made my day better when I met Thelma the Racist.

• When the f*ck did I grow up?! Just a random thought I'm having. I'm lookin' up credit scores, asking everybody "does it cost money to do that"?, etc., etc. But I won't bore you with my early 20-something problems.

How are you guys feeling about the week to come? Any good/great news to share with me?

Some people bring out the worst in me

Although I currently live in a town known as "Hicksville," I had never actually encountered any real-life hicks until yesterday.

WARNING: This is one of those posts where if you comment "cool post!" I'll know for damn sure you didn't read it. Just sayin'. Lol.

Photo Credit

Before you go thinking the worst - let me explain. I'm the kind of person who likes to believe racism doesn't exist because it's nice living in a fantasy world sometimes, even if life experience and months of thesis research has taught me otherwise. I've never really witness blatant racism in front of my face (I don't feel like TV shows with those "moral lessons" at the end count) but let me tell you, it's not pretty on TV and it's not pretty in reality.

In fact, the "it" I'm talking about was about 5'4, with one leg visibly shorter than the other and various missing teeth.

I was sitting down outside of one of my favorite low-cost (sort of) eating establishments, Panera Bread, waiting for my ride when "it" happened. I hate being alone in public places when I'm waiting for something, so I kept busy by texting random people on my phone. I hear some who without looking I could tell were black, and yes, they were being a bit loud. I even thought this to myself. They were all wearing their respective mall-store uniform and talking about everything, loudly. Things that they probably could have kept to themselves, to be honest, but it was their conversation nonetheless. And that's when I hear it.

"F*cking n*ggers."

I stop sipping my lemonade. Maybe I had heard wrong? Maybe they were joking themselves and trying to imitate someone? Either way it wasn't funny and it was even less funny when I heard it again, only this time much louder.

Enter aforementioned 5'4 white woman, with one leg visibly shorter than the other and various missing teeth. The group of people are still talking, and laughing now because they finally heard her. I was sure that something was about to go down and I needed to get out of there asap. Where was this woman from thinking she could talk like this? I must be naive because I thought this sort of thing only happened in the Deep South.

The woman makes her way closer to me.

Ahh, f*ck me, right?

But she doesn't stop at me. She goes up to this random elderly couple who are minding their damn business but just as uncomfortable as I am and starts complaining about how blacks don't pay taxes and are bringing down our country. I have never witness such bigotry before in my life. The couple gets up and walks away from her, and she takes their spot in the table next to mine.

"Ma'am"?

Oh so, now I'm 'maam'?

"Excuse me, ma'am"?

I turn to look at her because at this point I was avoiding eye contact. I didn't know if I wanted to cry or fight.

"Are you Spanish"?

Here we go . . .

"I'm black," I snap back, matter-of-factly. Anytime someone asks me what I am I try to mention both my ethnicities. I'm not sure why but this time I was just black and she was pissing me off. I'm not a fighter by any means and I know she probably has no concept of how much of an ignorant racist she is but I was getting so angry with her being there and that's not like me.

"Hmph. You don't look it." (I did look it, fyi) "I'm sorry, but people like them make it bad for you."

At that moment my ride honks for me and not a second too soon. Did this woman honestly think that we're the reason for racism against ourselves??? YOU ARE THE PROBLEM.

There are so many hateful things I wanted to say at that moment that I know I wouldn't mean. I wanted to talk about her missing teeth, or her walking with a limp, or her nasty-ass hair but I'm sure she would have fired back with the well-thought out comeback of "at least I'm not black."

So instead I got in the car and left and said a little prayer for her.

----

SIDENOTE: This isn't about a black vs. white thing. This is about a dumb-ass old woman. I promise a happier post coming soon, lol. This just reeeeeeeally ticked me off. Shout out to my new followers though! :D And of course, I still love my old ones.

Tell em how you feel Tuesdays: Reality Bites

There's about 7 weeks left of my official FINAL summer.

(Note: Clearly this arm thing is becoming my signature pose. . .)

Don't ask me how I came up with it, but it's what I've got. Because of this I've been giving much thought to what I'm going to do with my real life, as in, the life I'll have once I leave here. For those of you who don't know: I'm a recent college graduate. Hold the applause. I should also mention that I am unemployed in my field, heavily reliant on my parents and not entirely sure of the direction of my life. No more clapping? Okay then. . .

I know most of you guys are still in college and such, but for those of you who aren't, I have some serious questions. Please don't judge me, as I promise I'm not retarded. Just really unsure of my next step in life.

1.) How do you do laundry in the city? I'm so serious. Do I have to push around a cart with a laundry bag in it across streets and in front of people? Oh, and do I have to bring my groceries back in a cart too?

2.) What do you do for fun? When I was in school there was a semester where I was interning, writing my thesis, co-heading a fashion show, running my sorority's chapter, and working two jobs. What the hell am I supposed to occupy my time with once I leave for good? Certainly work, sleeping and eating can't be it. . .can it?

3.) Who do I start paying back these student loans to? Do they contact me or am I supposed to be like, "Hey, remember that money you loaned me? About that. . ."Am I supposed to play hard to get?

4.) Is there really no such thing as summer vacation anymore? I understand that you get vacation weeks but it's probably frowned upon to take them all at once, right? Plus - I'm definitely going to want a few random days off during the year *sigh*.

5.) Is it too late to start investing? I don't even know what I should be investing in, per say, but everyone's telling me to save, save, save.

6.) Should I stop sporting clothes from my college? Does society think that's silly? I have a good 100 + t-shirts with my college's logo on it, not to mention sweatpants, socks, caps, etc. I remember being able to wake up and stroll to class in my "Post sweats" and sorority letters. Are those days over?

7.) How long can I use the 'recent college graduate' excuse? Don't get me wrong - I am far from lazy, but I know when I have things working in my favor. I'm looking for work and prepared to take on my next step of responsibilities but I know this can't be my get-out-of-jail free card forever. Wahh. Is there like a 6 month expiration date I should know about? Kind of like when the loans kick in?

The stuff dreams are made of

Some updates:

First of all - Thanks for all the kind words and condolences from my previous post, everyone. I'm doing better today. . .I was actually pretty out of it all day at work yesterday. Your comments really brightened up my day. . .I know many (well, pretty much all of you, lol) don't know me personally but you have no idea how far some inspirational words can go.

Second off - I'm heading home this weekend to wreak unnecessary havoc on my household. And get food because funds are, as always, low.

& Finally - Look what I've been spending my days at work doing. . .

Planking. I feel like Nicole will appreciate this. Lol. Ahhhh, I need a grown-up person's job -.-

And since I'm always looking for a good cry, and I am JUST NOW discovering this video. Watch it. If you don't tear up/bawl/re-evaluate your faith then you were clearly born soul-less.

So 94 years, huh?

You don't mourn the death, you celebrate the life.

(GG is the hottie sitting down ;)

That's what I'm telling myself, anyway. It's weird being that person in the room that people don't know how to act around because they just lost someone.

This morning my great-grandmother, who we nicknamed "GG" passed away in Jamaica. My immediate reaction was one of depression and anger because I wouldn't be able to say goodbye to her since I don't even have a passport, nor do I have the money to travel overseas. I kept thinking about the last time I had seen her - four years ago? 4 years ago I was nothing like I am now. I was 17, spoiled rotten, and such a little ball of fire combined with this know-it-all attitude.

Then I remembered that even though that was the last time she physically saw me, we had spoken on the phone since then. She had told me only a few weeks ago how proud she was of me for being the first in my generation to graduate college. She told me to "keep sweet", and she had even spoken to J (even though I was panicking about that too because she was under the false impression that we were engaged, but whatever). Now looking back on it, I'm glad she had a chance to speak to him. She had no idea who he was but loved him just because he loved me, lol.

Part of me wishes I could tell her how sorry I am for not calling more often, and when I did call for only speaking to her briefly because I had difficulty understanding her accent. Part of me wishes I could tell her that I'm not angry about my 13th birthday and that the 8-weeks I spent with her in Jamaica - complaining non-stop about the heat and mosquitoes and overall lack of civilization at the time - was actually one of the greatest learning experiences I've ever had. I wish I could tell her that I'm going to take care of my grandmother, who was like her best friend, and that I promise, promise, promise I'll learn how to cook.

Even though I can't tell her these things, I want to celebrate the good from her life. She was 94-years-old when she passed away. That means she had 94-years with her daughter, grandchildren, and great grandchildren. She was the kind of person who I never looked at in terms of her age because she was always so lively. She was never one of those people who you'd dread asking how they were doing because they'd go on and on about all the pain they were in. She was always so independent (runs in the family) and would instead want to talk about how you were doing.

My siblings and I would always joke that GG was going to outlive us and while we knew this wasn't realistic, we still held onto that belief because it brought us peace. Now that it's happened, I'm just reminding myself that now she's not in any more pain. R.I.P, GG.

Flashback: How he met my mother

To anyone who even remotely knows my family or who has met La Madre once (that's all it takes), they know that I get all of that dramatic blood running through my veins from her. I'm pretty sure that I'm the only one out of my siblings who took on that trait - oddly enough the rest of them are incredibly normal, mentally and emotionally healthy young beings. Go figure.

My boyfriend, being the astute individual that he is, learned more about me from 20 minutes with La Madre than he did in 3 months with me.

Photo credit

After much protesting and a little bit of using sex as a distraction I realized that I couldn't hide my family from J forever - especially since he had gone out of his way to integrate me into his. I decided that for his own safety I'd have him meet the whole crew in increments. Starting with the Boss herself. He thought my apprehension might have been because of the whole racial difference thing, but I assured him it was just because, no matter what race you were, my family could be too much for regular people.

Their first real meeting came when, against my better judgement, I thought it would be okay for J and her to hang out at the mall while I got my hair done. Because I only go to a certain salon for a certain thing, and because my hairdresser moves like a wounded turtle, the ordeal was taking up to 2 hours. I was panicking. He wasn't answering my texts, phone calls, or those special mind controlling signals I try to send out to him. I tried calling La Madre. No answer. It boggled my mind that they could keep themselves pre-occupied for so long. Then it hit me: she was talking to him about God only knows what.

Just as I was about to call my brother to get him to call La Madre, J shoots me a text saying 'hey'.

Me: r u ok?

J: Yea, y?

Me: because u haven't been answering me and it's been 2 hrs. and u could have died.

J: lol

Me: I'm so serious.

J: I'm with your mom. How much longer?

Me: another 20 mins.

J: damn!

Me: r u suuuuure ur ok?

Once I was finally finished getting done up and we were all heading back home I got them to tell me what I'd missed. Apparently, they were now really good friends. They'd eaten lunch together, browsed the mall (I'm sure J looooved that) and did some light shopping. It sounded like a date I'd enjoy and I was a little jealous, until he handed me this manicurist set he'd bought for me on a whim, and then I lightened up. The important thing was that it didn't appear that his opinion of me had changed which meant La Madre had been on her best behavior. No third degree? No questions about your retirement savings plan? And she didn't ask you if you had a single uncle? Okay, then. I'll take it.

Just as I'm relishing in the thought that all parties might have gotten though this unscathed, I make some comment that I can't even remember which triggers the crazy in La Madre to come out. Maybe I said she was driving too fast or asked for something, whatever. It was kind of like opening Pandora's box and as I'm trying desperately to close it, things are spewing out. Before I know it she's telling him how much she loves us and how she's sacrificed so much for her kids and wishes I would come home from college more to visit. In between sobs and steering she's turning back to me and telling me how she just wants the best for me and really wants to open up a baking business.

I know just how to react in this situation - you have to match her crazy with crazy - but because for whatever delusional reason I'm holding onto the chance that J might still like me, I don't say a word.

When we finally reach our destination, she gets out of the car, gives J the biggest, most somewhat questionable hug and tells him to call her 'Mom'. I'm dead.

Once she drives off I ask J, with my head down, if he still wants to continue the relationship. He actually thinks for a little bit, but then laughs and says he understands me a lot more after having met my mother. I tell him that I'm no where near as emotional as she is and he tells me that we're a lot more alike than I think.

I mean, I guess.

DISCLAIMER: Now I'm not saying that La Madre is certifiable crazy, by any means. She's actually the most self-less, caring, sensitive, annoyingly creative person I have ever met. She's got so much life in her that she almost doesn't know how to contain it all so she shares her dreams and aspirations with me, urging me to live my life to the fullest. My mom's biggest issue in life has always been her running on her emotions - and that's it. When she's happy, she's ecstatic with big smiles and tons of affection. But when she's not, the world might as well have just ended because her world did. Logic? Irrelevant. It's something you get use to. I think her bipolar characteristics could lead those on the outside to think 'somethin' ain't right', but I promise you, it just takes some getting use to.

In fact - think Tammy from Basketball Wives, only MUCH less hood unless she feels completely comfortable around the people she's with.

(In case you haven't seen the little tab to the left of your screen: follow me on Twitter. I follow back! & let me know so I can add you to my nifty little 'blogosphere' list)

Staycation, all I really wanted

I promise quality writing is coming up soon, guys. This weekend was not a complete fiasco like the last one, but it was actually spent in one of my favorite places: NYC. I went out for two friends birthdays (wallet is hurting, but they were worth it!), hung out with my roomie/LS, and my former roomie/Bestfriend, my boyfriend, actually called my mom. . .I was making everyone happy. In my opinion.

Me showing off my unhealthy love for cupcakes.

You would have thought we learned the first time . .

I want it *sigh*

Midway during the weekend, I needed to figure out my finances.

Go HERE.

My braces-free LS. I wuv her.

Roomie, me, and Boyf

Sometimes the best place to vacate to is no where at all. I got my vacation experience and didn't have to spend plane money. This weekend was a bearable hot, just the way I like it, so I told myself that I was in Miami, but only went 30 minutes away.

I don't know what to say. . :]

This has been quite the eventful weekend for me for two reasons:

1.) I can actually HANG. I went out three nights in a row on my staycation (you'll hear about it later), dabbled in alcohol and did NOT lose consciousness or my sense of self-worth. It was fabulous, I got to see people I haven't seen in ages and pretend for a little while that I was a real adult.

2.) I feel poppin' because I got five blogger awards! Haha, my first awards, at that. Oh! And I won a giveaway from this blog. I'm hype. Not gunna lie. *Dougies*

Lots of love and tons of hugs to:

Diary of a Shallow Black Girl

I Am Not Perfect.!.!.!

Fashionista's Coffee

This is the first time I'm doing this so hopefully it's done right!

From: I Am Not Perfect.!.!.!

For this award I had to. . .

Share 7 random things about myself:

I cannot see a damn thing w/o my contacts/glasses. I consider myself fluent in sarcasm. I have this weird fastidious thing about me where I need my labels to face forward on my dresser. I haaaate chipped nail polish. I can't swallow pills. I love the 'bohemian chic' look. & I use to have the ONLY crush on Kevin from The Backstreet Boys.

Give the award the 15 other bloggers:

(See below)

Answer the following questions:

Fav. Color: Hot pink

Fav. Song: 'Caramel' by City High

Fav. Dessert: Red Velvet Cupcake

Biggest Pet Peeve: Chewing with your mouth open. OMG - and nail biting.

When you are upset you: Write about it

Fav. Pet: One of those teddy-bear-like dogs that never grow. . .I don't know the breed. Did I make that up?

Black or white: Depends ;]

Biggest Fear: Def going blind.

Best Feature: I'll go with my legs. Feelin' confident today.

Every attitude: Go confidently in the direction of your dreams and live the life you've always imagined! (Henry David Thoreau)

What is perfection?: Complete and utter chaos, but it's gotta be beautiful. Whatever you see it as.

Guilty Pleasure: Banana-flavored baby food. Have you ever snacked on it? Don't judge. . .

From: Fashionista's Coffee

For this award I had to. . .

Thank the person who gave it to me and link back to them:

Thanks, hun :] Lol. Check out her blog for great fash-piration <3

Post 7 random things about yourself:

I'm 5'7 and hoping I don't grow anymore. I want a tattoo at the end of the summer. I love wearing high heels, but wish I had more. I can't go into Forever 21 without purchasing something. I'm in a Latina-founded sorority. I'm allergic to orange juice, not oranges though. I can understand Spanish when spoken to me, but that's about as far as it goes.

Give 15 lucky bloggers these awards!:

Best Blog Award

http://chichismusings.blogspot.com/ • Because she’s super sweet and always optimistic. I love people like that!

http://asinglemothersjourney.blogspot.com/ • Because I love how she is with her girls and hope that one day I can be as great a mother as she is.

One Lovely Blogger Award

http://viralitis.blogspot.com/ • Because her blog never fails to entertain me.

http://doasbg.blogspot.com/ • Because I love the topics she discusses and she keeps it very real.

http://fashionistascoffee.blogspot.com/ • Because this girl KNOWS fashion likes it’s the back of her hand.

http://perfectlessworld.blogspot.com/ • Because her blog always makes me feel welcomed :)

http://sweetconfessions21.blogspot.com/ • Because she’s a sweetheart and her blog makes me wanna smile with my eyes!

http://chichismusings.blogspot.com/

The Versatile Blogger Award

http://www.femmeswithbenefits.com/ • Because this is one of my new fav sites for everything from fashion to relationship discussions! Check them out!

http://www.rosefromrosedale.com/ • Because we share the same bday so we’re obviously soul mates! Haha ;] and her blog is all-around inspirational.

http://gotmax.blogspot.com/ • Because I swear we’re like the same person, except I live vicariously through her since she’s far braver than I.

http://nicolealiciaonline.blogspot.com/ • Because I respect the hell out of her blog and enjoy her short stories.

Stylish Blogger Award

http://www.femmeswithbenefits.com/

http://peaceloveandreamarie.blogspot.com • Because she’s always posting something fashionably fabulous.

Kreativ Blogger Award

http://www.iamheizl.blogspot.com/ • Because she takes gorgeous pictures!

http://thediyera.blogspot.com/ • Because I see how creative she is and it makes me wanna tap into my inner DIY artist :]

http://thehuesmiles.blogspot.com/ • Because her blog is FULL of pictures of places I need to see!

So if you got an award, check out my little tidbit and then follow the instructions underneath it! Phew, this took a while because I have a lot of great followers to choose from. You guys all rock!